so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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