just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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