We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
