Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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