he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
