I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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