we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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