Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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