They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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