i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
