Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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