do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
