I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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