In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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