Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
