i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
