you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
