Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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