So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
