He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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