What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
