i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
