dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
