I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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