Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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