watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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