just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
