Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I currently don't understand fingers.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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