I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
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there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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