I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
