Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
