You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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