were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
