so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Randomize
