you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
