she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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