Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
