I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
