You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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