dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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