Jerry, you need to find god
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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