and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
