Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
