I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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