He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
