Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
