i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
