the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
