i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
