We're like a lot better than the average bears
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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