turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
They have beer where we have blood.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
