Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We have started to decorate penises.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize