I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I supernannyed him into submission
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