when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
