he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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