In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
