Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
