Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
