About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
