Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
