I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
