I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
