My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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