His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
