But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
