what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
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