my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
In America we eat man semen.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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