His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
