hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
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Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
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I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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