He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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