you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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