Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
